Leadership isn't about having all the answers—it's about asking the right questions. I was reminded about this while listening to Shannon Minifie, CEO of Box of Crayons, on the Coaching for Leaders podcast (Episode 760), where she explored how the quality of our questions shapes the quality of our leadership.
The problem with "Why"
As leaders, we're trained to dig deep, to understand root causes. "Why did this happen?" "Why didn't you finish that project?" These questions feel investigative and thorough. But here's what Minifie points out: "why" questions often put people on the defensive.
When someone hears "Why did you do that?" their brain doesn't hear curiosity—it hears judgment. They start building walls instead of opening doors. The conversation shifts from exploration to explanation, from possibility to justification.
The "What" alternative
This connects directly to Michael Bungay Stanier's work in The Coaching Habit, which offers seven essential questions that keep conversations forward-focused. The shift from "why" to "what" is subtle but transformative.
Instead of asking:
- "Why did this fail?" try "What happened here?"
- "Why didn't you meet the deadline?" becomes "What got in the way?"
- "Why do you think that?" transforms into "What's making you think that?"
Notice the difference? "What" questions invite reflection without accusation. They create space for honest conversation rather than defensive posturing.
Curiosity as a leadership muscle
The real lesson here isn't just about word choice—it's about cultivating genuine curiosity. When we approach situations with authentic curiosity rather than disguised criticism, we:
- Build psychological safety: Team members feel comfortable sharing challenges and mistakes
- Uncover better information: People share what actually happened, not sanitized versions
- Foster problem-solving: The focus shifts to solutions rather than blame
- Develop our people: Questions that make people think help them grow
The ripple effect
When you consistently ask "what" instead of "why," you're not just changing your vocabulary—you're changing your team's culture. You're signaling that mistakes are learning opportunities, that challenges are meant to be discussed openly, and that your role is to support growth, not assign blame.
Leadership curiosity isn't passive. It's an active choice to set aside judgment, stay genuinely interested, and create the conditions where people can do their best thinking.
What question will you ask differently today?