As rewarding coaching can be, as challenging it is. While reading the 'How to be a more effective coach?' post by JD Meier, he shared one 'bonus' question that really created a breakthrough in how I tackle these coaching conversations.
What would make this conversation wildly valuable for you today?
This one question makes all the difference as it shifts the focus from you to them, immediately.
Why this question works so well
It transfers ownership immediately
The moment you ask this question, something profound happens. The conversation stops being about your agenda and becomes entirely about theirs. You're not trying to fix, advise, or direct. Instead, you're creating a container for their most important work to emerge.
This transfer of ownership is crucial because:
- People are more invested in solutions they help create
- People often know what they need better than we do
- It honors their autonomy and expertise in their own lives
- It removes the pressure on you to have all the answers
It cuts through surface-level concerns
Most people come to coaching sessions with what they think they should talk about, not necessarily what they need to talk about. This question bypasses that entirely. It gives them permission to dig deeper, to surface what's really on their mind, and to prioritize their most pressing needs.
The word "wildly" is particularly important here—it suggests they can think bigger, be more ambitious, and not settle for incremental improvements.
It creates psychological safety
By asking what would make the conversation valuable for them, you're sending a clear message: this space is theirs. You're not here to judge, evaluate, or impose your own framework. You're here to serve their growth in whatever way they need most.
Beyond the question: creating a mindset
While the specific wording of this question is powerful, what matters more is the mindset behind it. Ask yourself:
- Am I truly curious about what this person needs?
- Am I willing to let go of my own agenda?
- Do I trust that they know what's best for them?
- Am I comfortable with not knowing where the conversation will go?
There's something vulnerable about asking this question. It requires you to step back and admit that you don't know all the answers. But this vulnerability is precisely what makes it so powerful.
When you ask "What would make this conversation wildly valuable for you today?" you're not just asking about today's conversation—you're modeling what it looks like to prioritize someone else's needs, to be genuinely curious, and to trust in their capacity for growth.